I used to say, “I grew up on my own.”; “I must be adopted.”
- Feb 22
- 2 min read
And for a long time, that sentence carried weight… sadness… even quiet resentment.
Yes, I spent much of my childhood alone (although there were 6 of us.)
Yes, I parented myself while the adults in my life did what they had to do so we could survive.
Yes, my little nervous system learned very early that safety meant self-reliance.
That’s what abandonment trauma does.
❤️🩹 It wires the nervous system to stay alert.
❤️🩹 To not need too much.
❤️🩹 To not ask.
❤️🩹 To anticipate.
❤️🩹 To cope.
A child who feels alone doesn’t become weak.
They become hyper-aware. Independent.
Responsible beyond their years.
And while that hyper-independence can look like strength on the outside… inside, the nervous system may still be bracing. Still scanning. Still preparing for “what if I’m left again?”
But here’s the reframe I hold now:
My nervous system wasn’t broken.
It was brilliant.
It adapted so I could survive.
It helped me become resourceful. Capable. Empathic. Deeply attuned.
Was it painful? Yes.
Is it tender to walk down memory lane? Absolutely.
But in leading life forward, the only way is forward-looking.
I don’t heal by resenting the child who coped the only way she knew how.
I heal by appreciating her.
She kept me alive.
She built the foundation.
Now, as an adult, I get to teach my nervous system something new:
✔️ You are not alone anymore.
✔️ You don’t have to brace.
✔️ You don’t have to parent everyone.
✔️ You are safe to receive.
Abandonment trauma may have shaped your nervous system…
But awareness reshapes it again.
And maybe today, instead of asking
“Why did this happen to me?”
You gently whisper,
“Thank you for surviving. I’ll take it from here.”
🤝
Share below or send this to someone who needs a gentler lens on their story. And if you’re walking the healing path, stay close — we’re doing this forward, together.
Hapoy Sunday, everyone! e
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