How much do you know about Rage?

In the analogy of the pond, traumatic stress reactions can be represented by the initial wake created by the pebble, post-traumatic stress reactions are the subsequent ripples that may last long after the pebble penetrates the surface of the pond. It is the destruction resulting from the waves initially created by the pebble landing in the pond.

I was five years old when I first experienced the relaxing effects of throwing pebbles in the water. During that time, I lived with my grandparents pretty much for one calendar year. Although I know that I was safe and well supported, yet I remember spending my afternoons dipping my feet in a pond in the school plaza in front of their house.

I did not understand how I felt during that time, I just wanted to be home and be with my parents and siblings. I did not understand why I was separated from them. What was also weird was each time my mum and my siblings came to visit, I was instructed to serve them and to show them my best character and my best skills.

As a child that made me wonder. Did they not come here to see me? Why do I need to show them my best self, am I not good enough? Plus, reconnecting with my siblings then felt awkward.

There was that intense feeling that was wanting to come out. So, throwing pebbles in the water was my way of flushing down the strong and negative feelings.

Intense sadness + intense anger = RAGE

Rage means violent uncontrollable anger, an aftereffect of repressed anger – anger that is unconsciously avoided, denied, or pushed down.

At a young age, I have developed maladaptive cognitive coping strategies, I started blaming myself, ruminating, and catastrophizing about life. Then I got ill, my head was covered with seborrheic dermatitis, fever not going away. Then I was sent home.

Unresolved trauma from childhood is closely linked to current levels of adult rage; specific types of traumas that were reported included experiencing physical and sexual abuse, feeling unprotected by caretakers, having observed domestic violence within their homes, and emotional neglect (the invisible trauma).

Children who experienced emotional neglect are caught up in a maelstrom of confusing and noxious feelings. When they are not given a sense of belonging, affection, modelling of appropriate behaviour, they are unable to decide who they are or what they feel.

Besides anger and sadness, they may feel like they’re living in a dream. They may have trouble feeling happy and they develop low self-esteem, feel numb or cut off from their emotions, they have a hard time identifying their strengths, and they become extremely sensitive to rejection.

Symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder were described within the stories of rage as women recounted their experiences of intimate partner violence. Common triggers for igniting rage included women perceiving a threat to themselves, a threat to their loved ones, and emotional abuse.

Now, throwing pebbles in water is no longer an act of flushing down my demons. It has now become a gesture of appreciation – when you learn to overcome yourself or the memory of yourself and your life – you break the bonds you have with everything.

And when you finally overcome your anger and or your frustration, and you liberate the energy that was trapped in the past, you call the energy back to you.

As you liberate the creative energy that has been tied up in those survival emotions – you are building your own energy field – then you’ll see the ripple effect – life becomes meaningful.

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